By Pastor Robert Perez
Some time ago I wrote a piece called “Surrendering”, where I confessed the conundrum and stress of being too many things simultaneously, the two biggest being a Pastor and an Artist. I illustrated the need for the two (along with the others) to be combined into one entity, rather than multiple sides of the same person coexisting, but somehow never being in the room at the same time.
For nearly a year my writing has been absent, partly to sort this all out. But I’ve also been working on my book which covers the bulk of the ideas on spirituality coalescing in my mind. Rather than chop it up into blog posts and articles, I made the decision to be more concise in a single volume to take readers through the whole of it, instead of fractured parts spaced too far apart and infrequently.
In the process…I’ve changed.
I won’t cover the spiritual details of that change here as it becomes apparent in my book and thus, I would give away the ending, so to speak. Let me say, that the ‘process’ has effectively blurred the lines of my multiple parts, and hence caused them to spill into each other like the bleeding colors of a garment that gets wet, causing me long bouts of doubt and confusion.
But I am no longer confused, or in doubt.
The joy of being an artist and a pastor can best be served by simply being an artist, mostly. Let me explain…
As a Pastor, the limitations of what is expected of me hinders the meandering necessary for a philosophical and artistic mind, unless I always want to filter my ideas through a Christian lens, which I do not, because it’s too skewed to see what multifaceted elements are needed to get the fullest understanding of God’s universe. The Christian vantage point is only one of many.
As an Artist, I am free. No boundaries. I’m free to hate and to love. I’m free to sin and to be virtuous. I can learn about the dinosaurs, whilst also peering into God’s ephemeral nature. I can love and know the Mother Earth and the Father God (if I even choose to use that terminology). I am free to think and to question everything I damn well please. Hence it could be argued, I am more powerful than my Pastor self. The expanse of time and space can now be incorporated into a revised spiritual understanding. A better one that is more truthful, without the nonsense and confusion of poetic fiction.
I am God’s servant, but I am now God’s unshackled servant, given the pass that allows me to roam in all of His glorious universe. NOW I can truly discover what it’s all about, leaving nothing out, sifting through the garbage whilst also drinking the Champaign.
Am I still a Pastor? Always and forever. I am a man on earth in search of his God and the wisdom of the universe. My beliefs forged as a Pastor are quite intact. They continue to grow stronger by weaving themselves into the fabric of the larger whole, now incorporating parts previously left out.
Artists are philosophers first, whether they realize it or not. With that said, all I need to say I can now say as the Pastor, Artist Robert Perez.
All the things previously written here still hold true and I denounce none of them. This is the next phase of my spiritual development. Truly exciting!
God’s blessings on you!